You're never fully dressed without a smile

Hello Swarm Single Moms

If you are interested in saving money and looking your best, consider having your teeth cleaned.

Brushing and flossing are important steps in dental hygiene, but so too is a visit to your dentist who can help find clues about your or your children's overall health.

You see, the mouth can reveal indicators about potential problems with your body and a good dentist can often be the gateway to your path for good health.

During a routine dental visit a good dentist may be able to uncover the following potential problems:

Upper respiratory disorders. 

      Viral infections in the lungs of suffers can produce lesions or sores inside their mouths.

Acid reflux and Hiatal Hernia. 

      Suffers who repeatedly burp bile into their mouths can experience eroded tooth enamel and a bitter taste in their mouths.

Diabetes.

      Clues left in the mouth of diabetics include inflammation, infections, dry mouth, burning tongue, persistent gingivitis and multiple lesions. (Diabetics have special needs because some diabetic medication causes dry mouth and lack of saliva production which is known to cause cavities and gum disease.)

Kidney failure. 

     Dentists can also find evidence of kidney failure.  Retarded tooth development in children, dry mouth, odor, metallic taste, ulcers on the tongues and gums in adults may lead the dentist to suggest a visit to a medical doctor to check for properly functioning kidneys.

Anemia. 

     Some of the earliest signs of anemia are oral, (including burning, fiery red tongue, inflamed mucous membrane and difficulty swallowing.

Osteoporosis. 

     Xrays of the mouth can reveal eroded and thinner jawbones which is a symptom of osteoporosis.

When you are seeking a new (and good) dentist, which can be very trying, make sure they are members of the ADA (American Dental Association) and that they have experience as well as continued growth and study of new and important discoveries in the field of dentistry.

Do not allow for more than one or two separate x-rays per year.  In fact, you should not need more than one x-ray every two years if your dental health has not been compromised.  Too many x-rays can cause more harm than good! They dental employees will encourage more x-rays and tell you they are much safer than in the past.  This is somewhat true, but studies continue to show that x-rays are still intrusive and should be kept to a minimum.

***Here is my aside.  When I was a teenager, I was well developed (big boobs) I had gone to the same dentists for years.  Dr. Timothy Foley in Birmingham Michigan.  My mother would drop me off when I was going for a cleaning and/or a filling.  This dentist instead of using the tray to keep his instruments would lay out the instruments on my chest.  When he did this I know my eyes popped, as did his assistants.  I was uncomfortable but I had somehow gotten the idea that the tray would not fit.  This was not true and when the filling (or whatever) was done I walked out of there feeling confused.  I did not go back to him or any dentist for a long time.  Fortunately I maintained my good dental hygiene and when I did go back to the dentist I began going to a female dentist.  And another strange thing about the new dentist was that I could go years without needing anything but a cleaning.


Moral of the story.  There are good and bad dentist out there. Find one you are comfortable with and who is good.  Changing dentists even if you have been going to them for years is allowed. Do what is best for YOU (and your children)...

Scholarship, smolership

Hello Swarm Buzz Single Moms

Happy Friday.

I want to share with you something that I learned recently that might help you in the future.  You know how I am always looking to learn and share something about something ?  Well, I find this interesting.

College scholarships!

Have you ever heard the jibberish that children of single moms go to college (or trade schools) for free or close to it???  Let me say to you, this is not true.  There is not one child I know of who has gotten a free education because of his/her parents marital status.  It simply does not happen.  I have been through the big book of scholarships, (in fact two of them) and I haven't yet found scholarships for children who have a single parent.  IF the scholarship focuses on children of single parents, there is a 'disclaimer' which has many other requirements, (Race, Religion, Illness, etc), there is not one that I know of - so if you know different, please share in the comments section as this would be helpful for the rising freshman college students.

Tell your kids if they want to graduate from college without student loan debt, then they must work diligently during high school.  They must choose SOMETHING to excel at then they need create leadership opportunities for themselves.   That is it in a nutshell.  Colleges see good grades all the time.  Your child must stand out and show the admissions folks how special they are and how the college will benefit from having your child attend.  It wouldn't hurt for you as the parent to encourage your child to find some really rare and unique talent in which to excel.  Parents . . .  get started now and help guide your children to a better life for all!

Happy Mother's Day

Hello Swarm Single Moms

Happy Mother's Day!!!

On this day when we celebrate all you do, I want to chat about . . . your health.

Do you schedule regular health examinations for YOU?

If not . . . Why not?

You work hard every day. You go the extra mile every day.  You are super mom and sometimes super dad all wrapped up in one, sometimes overly stressed body.  Stress is bad.  Stress kills.

That is the reason I often provide information on ways to reduce stress.

But do you know what else kills?  Ignorance!!!

(Ignorance is the act of ignoring (wink) that which you can not deal with at this time.)  Do not get into the habit of ignoring your health and/or your health issues.

Here is the reason why I plead with you to not ignore your health.  You will be spending (hopefully) the first 21 years of your child's life trying to ensure that they are taken care of with healthy food, plenty of sleep, clean clothes...you know what you do to help provide your children with the best of what you can do for them.  So consider that you work hard for the first 21 years only to have them reach a stage in their lives where you get to enjoy them as adults and you find yourself sick.  Too sick to spend time with them, to relax and enjoy whom they have become.  Wouldn't it be a pity if you were to discover a preventable illness or disease at the time in your life when you could be slowing down?

Don't let this happen.  Instead let's make May the month where children celebrate their moms and where mom's celebrate clean bills of health.  Swarm Moms . . . take time this month to schedule your appointments for visits to the doctor.  List your concerns and address them with your health care attendant.  Get your questions, get some answers and get some relief from any worry you may have that might be festering on your back burner.  Take care of yourself and continue to give your children the best of who you are - now and for the future.        

Give your family . . . more . . . Happy . . . Mother's . . Days

Single mom: blocking interference

Hello Swarm Readers!

Today I would like to write about the phenomenon of the single mom in the role of advocate.   I can explain.  Sometimes when a single mom is trying to raise her children, other people (family, friends, complete strangers) feel the need to step in and add their input.  This is known as interference. I understand that this happens in two-parent households, but it is different when it's the mom...alone...and on her own.

Most often, the people who interfere think they are helping. Sometimes they are, but when their interference is blocking what you are trying to accomplish, that is counterproductive and it is not helpful to you.  Here is a way to differentiate.  People who go are helping you, will try to work with you.  People who are not helping will work against you.

Let's say you have a caregiver (or relative or friend) who you have given explicit directives about what you allow or don't allow your child to do. (It could be food they are allowed to eat, tv shows they are not allowed to watch, etc!)  If the rules you have set down are being ignored, then whoever is not enforcing your rules, is interfering.

It is not easy to be a single mom for many reasons, and because we often only allow a small number of people into our system of trusted support, we must be choosy in who we allow into that circle.  They must be of honest and honorable character and they must have integrity. And...they really need to abide by our rules and directives.

If you find that your rules and directives are being ignored, you must take steps to find out the reason why by communicating with your caregiver.  From time to time you will need to visit and reevaluate the reasons for some of the rules you have in place and if you re-examine them and determine they are important rules and rules you want followed, then those who choose not to follow them, consider removing them from your circle of support.  This does not mean that you remove them from your life, just from caregiving.  I have to add this as a disclaimer even though they can be your biggest interferers and that would be the grandparents.  Too often they think they are excused from following your directives because they raised you (or your ex) and they think they did a pretty good job.  Well,  it is because they raised you (or your ex) that may be the reason you want them to follow your rules (maybe they don't realize how they really screwed you up :)!!

If you examine your rules and find that some can be updated or refined then interference can be the impetus for change. Changing the rules is a normal part of raising children anyway, they will evolve as your children grow and sometimes having a caregiver speak up about the need for updating will be helpful.  It is important then, to have caregivers who you respect and whose input is valued.

Boundaries are important to set down at the beginning of the caregiving relationship and because boundaries can be manipulated, it is important to always let the caregiver know what is never going to be acceptable and what is never negotiable.  You are the boss! Act like it!

You have to be the one who rules the roost, after all God gave these gifts to you which makes me think that you have the innate sensitivity to what is best for them.

I once had a teacher from my child's school tell me that a parent must always step up for their kids because they are the child's biggest advocate. That has always stuck with me and has helped me grow the backbone I needed to make sure my child felt protected.

pessimist? optimist?

 "A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."               Winston Churchill

Hello Swarm Single Moms

Are you an optimist or a pessimist??

How you see yourself and how you see the world, greatly affects your children and their views of the world.

If you spent your pregnancy abstaining from all that may be harmful to your babies, then spent the ensuing years teaching them to wear a safety belt and a bike helmet, you made sure their shots were up to date, then kept them up to date..if you took all sorts of protective measures to ensure they would survive ... can you say that you took equivalent measures to ensure they would survive happily and thrive. You know... you can help to nurture how your kids view the world and whether they see their world as a glass half empty or half full.

Moms!!! Were you aware that you can help greatly improve the quality of your kids lives by teaching them to view the world as a happy and welcoming place.  Did you know that by teaching them how to adapt to change (and to view it as an adventure), how to tackle and solve problems (like they are building puzzles) and how to bounce back from adversity and challenges (i.e. you get knocked down, but you are not out of the game)... that you are increasing their likelihood for happiness.  When you teach them self-reliance and how to solve their problems (yes, including making mistakes) you are helping to create a mindset that helps them view the world as manageable.  

Let's take the time -  as we proceed through this life, to help create the mindset that this life is pretty dang good and that we have the power to make it better.  Let's protect our children's minds and positive personalities by doing all that we can to not create pessimists, nay sayers and all out negative people.  This life is good ... even when we have seemingly insurmountable struggles and challenges!  So let's do what we can to make negative, pessimistic and other nastiness ... disburse and disappear now!!!

Vacation/staycation

Hello Swarm Buzz Moms

We had spring break two weeks ago and instead of leaving on the Friday school let out and returning on Sunday, (the day before we go back to school and work) we came home a few days early and what a great idea that was.  It gave us a restful and relaxing way to prep for the beginning of the last term of the school year.   

I guess you could say we had a vacation, followed by a staycation!

The vacation part was spent out of town, doing touristy things, visiting with relatives, visiting museums, eating out, etc. The staycation was the opposite and it was just as good.  With no plans made I had a sleep-in until 8:30 am, and I still was up and running, having all my chores completed by 10, including my emails checked, kitchen and bathroom floors washed, bills paid and the travel accoutrements put back into storage. 

By 10:10 am,  I was ready to hit some sales. Unfortunately, there were no estate sales the first morning home so I did the next best thing . . . Popping some tags at the Thrift Stores!!!

With mocha lattes in hand, my tag popper partner and I were off.  We began at the thrift stores that were the farthest from our starting point so we could swing around at the end of the day, conveniently close to home, (with all our treasures!)

Store # 1 held many treasures.  My first find was a Vera Bradley handbag for $4.00.  It is a small handbag and I plan to sell it for $25.00.  I was going to sell it for $10.00 but my treasure hunting partner suggested $25.00.  She had gone online to see what the going rate was and some are selling for over $40.00.  Since I plan to sell mine at a school supported yard sale I think $40.00 will be over pricing for the patrons of this particular school.  I hope to make a profit of at least $10.00.

The next treasure was a Justin Beiber tee shirt.  I paid $3.99 for this shirt and it may be a gamble since Justin Beiber is 'so 2012', but I will offer the shirt for $15.00.  I want to make at least $10.00 on this shirt.

Both of these items were at the same store.  I also found a great table for $69.00 which the store manager offered me a deal, but I was not prepared to get a table home (I still have my vacation rental car) so I passed.  I will go back in two weeks and if the table is still there it should be cheaper and I will definitely consider it then.

The second store we went to is where I found my best deal.  I paid $8.99 for a Tadashi (Shoji) long gown.  It is a (steal) deal because my daughter wants it for her prom.  Yeah!!!  We also found an ABS sundress for $3.99 it has never been worn and it was also a (steal) deal.

We will attempt to sell the gown after prom for $75.00.  It may be a stretch, but Imma try!!! The ABS sundress I am sure, my daughter will have, (and wear)  for years to come.

My last week day of vacation, a Friday, was spent at estate sales, (it is what I do to relax).  Every single mom needs to find her way to relax.  It does not have to involve spending a lot of money (unless you have it and want to indulge yourself), but I rather like being thrifty.  It is a skill that I developed while raising my child on my own without the benefit of financial support.  You have to do what you have to do.  I must say, I would never have even considered buying used clothing.  I get furniture all the time and I love the unique finds, but clothing was a different story.  The Tadashi if it was worn at all, was worn one time.  One trip to the cleaners and it is all good! The ABS dress was never worn... It makes a difference to us!

I will let you know in future blog posts whether or not I have made any money on any of our treasures.

Did I tell you that I am saving for a trip to Scandinavia with my daughter.  It is years away, but it is fun making some money to add to our savings.  I recommend you find a fun goal and then plan a way to make that happen.   

Happy Tag Popping Peeps... My Swarm Single Moms!

Holidays on your own

Hello Swarm Single Moms

Today I post this on Easter Sunday.  A holiday. . .  and a holy day for Christians.

How do you spend these days when your children are with your ex and you are on your own.

Do you try to sleep in? Catch up on chores and responsibilities? If you are like some single moms who choose to stay at home and spend the time on your own, make sure you incorporate something that you enjoy doing into your day.  It can be lonely spending a holiday on your own.  But...it doesn't need to be.

Today take some time and give thanks for all your blessings and catch up on the things you really NEED to and then take some time out to spend on you. Call someone you know who is on their own or if you gave a 'maybe' to any invitation...Get dressed and GO!

Life is short. Don't spend it in too much self indulgence.  Get out there and live!